Our daughter is now 8 weeks old, so obviously this whole argument has gone on a very very long time. We both have been holding grudges and neither of us think that we are wrong. My husband does not know I am posting this, so I am going to keep it as anonymous as possible.
So when I got pregnant with my daughter, my husband started in immediately telling me that I should have a home birth. I really do not know why he was so adamant on it, but he was. At first, I brushed him off and told him I would think about it because I was only 6 weeks pregnant, and the birth seemed so far off.
Of course, it came quickly, and my husband would literally speak over me at doctors’ appointments when my doctor would ask if I had a birth plan.
This caused a few arguments between us in those 39 weeks of pregnancy, but I never really changed my mind. Eventually my husband’s mother sat down and talked to me, and she told me all of the reasons why they did not want me to go to a hospital for the birth. I expressed my concerns about you know, safety of the baby and myself but just like my husband, she brushed me off.
I ended up telling my husband that I would take myself to the hospital when it was time and that I did not want a home birth. He acted as if he didn’t hear me. We met with a doula who was also very pushy. I felt overwhelmed and not supported at all. I was 36 weeks at that point.
So, when I went into labor, I was 39 weeks, and I begged, absolutely begged my husband to take me to the hospital where my doctor is. He wouldn’t. He spoke to me condescendingly and called the doula instead. I was in labor for about 3 days, active labor for around the last 22 hours.
I cried the whole time. I just felt something was wrong. I was scared and often times they left me alone. The doula told me that if active pushing and labor reached 24 hours, I had to go into the hospital. I remember thinking that I could not decide which was worse- staying in labor for another 2 hours or having my baby right there. When she was finally out, I don’t even remember wanting to hold her. I just remember crying out of relief.
Obviously, I am okay now, but I did not have a good experience. On my first appointment after birth with my doctor, she was very shocked I had the baby. She was concerned. I was so upset.
I told my husband that he absolutely ruined it for me. I truly never want to go through that again. I hear mothers say that they forget all the pain the second they have the baby, but I didn’t. I love my daughter so much, but it was horrible, and it was entirely his fault.
So, I told him that, several times. He rolls his eyes every time and tells me how mothers are “strong” and how I am not trying to be strong. I told him that if we ever have another baby – which he wants – that I will never do a home birth ever again. His response is “we’ll see”. I cannot possibly be TA here, can I? Everyone around me is acting like this is so normal, but it’s not. Is it?
