Ok so, I (31F) have been going back and forth about whether I’m overreacting here, so I just need some perspective. I’ve been dating this guy (33M) for about 8 months. At first everything seemed great. We had fun together, he was sweet and we were really compatible in every way, especially… you know, in bed.
Anyway, a few weeks ago I was over at his apartment, he went out to run some errands and left me alone with his laptop, which he always said I could use if I wanted. So I figured I’d check out some photos from a trip we took together.
While looking for the pics, I noticed a folder that looked a bit weird. I clicked on it and found multiple videos of us… being intimate. The thing is, I never agreed to be filmed. I never even knew about it. I was so shocked I could barely breathe.
I thought that was the worst part. But then a notification popped up for a group chat he’s in, and in my panic I opened it. There it was, plain as day—he had been sharing these videos of us with his friends. I felt like I was going to throw up. The stuff they were saying about me in the chat, about my body, about what we were doing, was disgusting. These were people I’d met a few times, too. They were laughing, making gross jokes, and I just couldn’t believe it.
When he got home, I immediately confronted him, shaking, like, I could barely get the words out. And his reaction? He brushed it off. Like it was no big deal. He told me, “It’s not like I’m showing the whole world, it’s just my close friends. Guys do this, it’s nothing.” He laughed about it.
I felt so violated, so betrayed, that I broke up with him right then and there. I packed my stuff and left.
But even after I left, I couldn’t stop thinking about how wrong this was. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. So I decided to talk to a lawyer, and now I’m in the process of suing him for secretly recording me and showing the videos to other people without my consent. It feels extreme, but honestly, I don’t think I can just let him get away with this.
Since then, he and his friends have been blowing up my phone, calling me all sorts of names, saying I’m “ruining his life” over a “harmless” thing. Even a couple of my friends said I was being a bit dramatic and didn’t need to take it this far. Like, some even suggested that breaking up was enough and that suing him is going too far.
But I don’t know… I feel like what he did was seriously messed up, and I don’t think I’m wrong for trying to hold him accountable.
