I (30F) any my brother (28M) has been dating his fiancée (26F) for about two years. She’s a great person – kind, smart, and loves him, but our families couldn’t be more different. Our family is laid back and loud, and our holiday celebration is the highlight of the year. It’s a big deal for us, with lots of food, drinks, dancing, and games. We go all out, and it’s the one time we all come together to have fun without judgment. But my brother’s fiancée comes from a conservative religious background with strict dietary and cultural rules. She doesn’t eat pork, shellfish, or anything non-halal. She also doesn’t drink alcohol or participate in dancing or games, which are core parts of our celebration.
Last year, she joined us for the first time, and it was uncomfortable. My mom made separate dishes without pork or shellfish, and we toned down the drinking, but she still seemed out of place. She didn’t eat much, didn’t engage in conversation, and spent most of the evening sitting quietly while we celebrated. My brother looked tense the entire time, and the vibe felt off, like we were walking on eggshells.
This year, my brother called me asking for more changes. He wants us to have a completely dry holiday—no alcohol, no pork, no shellfish, and to make the atmosphere “more respectful” by skipping the loud music and dancing. He said it’s about making her feel comfortable and included, and that it’s just one day, so why can’t we make the sacrifice? I told him while I respect her beliefs, this is our family tradition, and changing everything for one person isn’t fair to the rest of us. This holiday has been the same for decades, and it means a lot to us too.
He got upset, saying that by refusing, I was excluding them and being disrespectful. I reminded him that we already made compromises last year, but she still didn’t seem happy, so how far are we expected to go? I even suggested they do their own thing this year and we could catch up after, but he blew up, accusing me of pushing them out of the family. Now he’s threatening not to come at all, and it’s causing a major rift.
Some of our family members think we should just go along with the changes to keep the peace, while others agree with me that it’s unreasonable to ask everyone to completely overhaul our traditions for one person, especially when she doesn’t seem to want to meet us halfway. My mom is caught in the middle and just wants everyone to get along, but no matter what, someone is going to be upset.
Honestly, I don’t want to exclude my brother, but I also don’t want our holiday to feel like something it’s not. Why should we have to change our entire tradition? They knew what our family was like when they got together, and while I’m all for respecting different cultures, I think there has to be some compromise on both sides. My brother is making it seem like I’m being stubborn, but I think I’m just trying to protect something that’s important to us.
