My soon-to-be ex-husband and I had a 3 year marriage. We separated about 9 months ago. One of the things we shared is that he introduced me to the WWE as well as independent wrestling shows. The latter were always amazing – tons of yelling, screaming, and I was constantly picked on by the wrestlers for being a girl in the front row. One indie wrestler at a small local show even grabbed the beer out of my hand, swigged it, and then dumped the rest of it on me to the boos and cheers of the crowd. It was exhilarating.
Ever since my husband and I amicably separated last summer, I’ve been struggling with severe depression. In that time I’ve also experienced a lot of change that put quite a bit of stress on me. I’ve moved several times, visited a couple of countries, lived with different people, and no longer see my beloved old cat who lived with me and my ex as the place I’m renting won’t allow pets. I’m not dating anyone and cut ties with a long-term fuck buddy a month ago. Meanwhile, my husband began dating someone from his pinball league while we were considering our separation and still living together – it took him no time at all. They have great fun together and are constantly going to events. As a result, I’ve stopped going to wrestling shows and the pinball bar we used to frequent together because I was afraid of running into them.
Recently, I began to claw my way out of my depressive state and slowly seeing friends again as well as volunteering at Meals on Wheels. Since I’ve never been single literally since the age of 13 (always having one boyfriend after another), I never developed my own interests and was even told by exes who turned out abusive that my interests suck. I know they were just trying to hurt me, but it didn’t help me foster my own interests so I just glommed onto whatever my partners liked.
The sad thing is that I’ve liked pinball since I was 10 due to that Windows pinball game that I played for hours a day and grabbed my husband to visit the new pinball bar when it first opened. I feel like I can’t go because he and his gf are good friends with the owner now and it feels weird. I can’t go to the small comedy house shows because my ex is good friends with a big comedian who hosts most of them. I actually really enjoy local indie wrestling shows and but have been too afraid to go because my ex and his gf might be there too. I told my ex that I did some axe-throwing over the summer, and now he and his gf are doing it too.
Even though we split amicably, I feel like his gf has a problem with me because she wouldn’t even let us meet for 5 minutes for him to lend me his travel backpack for my trip to Costa Rica last year. Apparently, she felt really uncomfortable about us meeting at a public place for literally minutes. I was promised the backpack for weeks until I received a text from him 2 hours before we were supposed to meet up. This was back in September, but who knows? Maybe she still feels that way and will get territorial if she sees me.
Neither me nor my ex have pushed through the divorce papers yet and he hasn’t deleted pictures of me from his Facebook, but I’m not harboring the hope that he still has feelings for me. I just want to stop feeling like this small city is closed off to me. What do you think, r/relationships? The event is in two hours. Should I go or should I stay home and figure out some new interests and places to go? Thank you for reading.
